College and that Depression

I love it.

College has opened my eyes so much and now I’m on my winter break, counting the days until I move back in. For 5 or 6 months before college, I was pretty depressed. I had taken a year off after high school, all of my friends were in school, I wasn’t doing so hot mentally and I was just ready to leave. Then I got to college and it has been the happiest I have been in a long time. It has been a bumpy road and I’ve even made some big mistakes. However, it just seems that even when some of these mistakes are crippling, all they do is help me realize what I have and how important this experience is.

The first few weeks of school were awesome, one weekend my friends and I were going to a day drink(dage) and it was still early september so I think it was 95 degrees or so. I hadn’t eaten at all that day, and I don’t remember drinking any water, so what happened to me was definitely my fault. I got extremely drunk that day, passed out in a bathroom and woke up with a cop staring down at me. Ended up being taken to the hospital and having to stay there most of the night until they gave me a nausea pill and released me. Lets just say I was pissed. Avoided telling my parents for a few days, and finally after I had been beaten my guilt, I called my dad. Expecting an angry conversation, all I got was a ” I’m proud of you Sam, you were dumb, but you owned up to your mistake and came out with it.” lets just say I started to cry right then and there, something that I hadn’t done in probably a year, cry. That was the moment I realized I really loved it at college, because all I knew was that I had to stay there, and I had to do whatever it took to not screw up this opportunity.

A few weeks later I went to  a school hearing and ended up getting school probation for a year, which sucks….big time. I still hate myself for what I did that day, I was dumb and caught up in the initial fun of being at college. But I learned that I have the opportunity to go to college and educate myself, something that most people don’t get, and that I shouldn’t fuck it up.

I’m on winter break now, just now getting my final grades in, and it looks like I’m going to do pretty well. I know I should want a break from school, but all I want to do is go back and see my friends,, especially because now when I come home, I just remember the shit I went through here and it makes me a little depressed again. I have 2 months basically before I get to go back, and I’m 4 days in right now, so wish me luck! I’m going to try and fill these 2 months with things that will make me just as happy as college did.

I’m going to try and regularly post, as there are so many negative and positive things on my mind that I want to get out, even if nobody responds to this, it feels good to write it out.

Thanks again everyone, please give me some feedback!:) SAM OUT